回憶毅達師範念書的日子 （篇章3）

老實說，剛開始我還真不習慣在學院的食堂吃午餐，因為我每次吃飯一定要有湯。以前 都是在家吃飯，媽媽都會煲湯。可是在外面讀書哪來的湯水給我喝了啦~結果干干的吃得很辛苦，感覺好像吞不下的，還要準備水壺，要不然吃不下，還記得那時有 位男性同學坐我對面看見我吃得那麼辛苦還問我：有這麼難吃嗎？真是丟臉死了！。那個時候我才知道住在家多好命！學院食堂的食物都是馬來餐，來來去去都是那幾樣，看到都怕怕！咖喱雞、咖喱魚、包菜、蛋、魚、牛肉。我這個不吃牛肉的選擇性更少了。所以幾乎每天都差不多都是吃一樣的食物。 有時候寧願吃麵包。

我 們毅達師範學院有個習俗是代代相傳，那就是義姐義妹/義兄義弟的習俗啦。據我所知其他學院沒有這種習俗的，這個習俗會一代傳一代主要目的是讓離鄉背井到外 地念書的我們在毅達也有個屬於我們的家，好讓我們能互相照應。義哥義姐會照顧義弟義妹，我覺得好不錯的！我們都是以抽籤的方式做決定，但抽籤的人不是我 們，我們是被抽的那個，意思就是說學哥學姐他們會一人抽一位學弟還是學妹，抽到的哪個就是屬於他/她的義地還是義妹啦！記得那個時候幾位學哥學姐叫了我們 這班科學華文組整20位，不！說錯了，當時只有19位，可秀是第五intake的，忘了~嗯，就我們19人晚上到DEWAN MASURI集合，給了一點briefing后，就開始跟著我們的名單念出我們的義姐還是義兄的名字，之後要我們去他們宿舍拜訪他們。我的義姐是貝雯，這 麼巧她也是Kedah人，只不過她是sp人。由於她們只有16人，而我們有19人，所以有些學姐會有倆個義妹。而我就剛好和麗溶同一個義姐。其實我還蠻自 卑的，因為麗溶和義姐都是top student!!!都是拿滿A的人，而我只是普通級數的人。>.< 拜訪了義姐之後才知道原來我們還有義義姐及義義義姐。我是第四代了。而現在的我下面還有cindy,pei yin,翊琳還有得偉。一代傳一代！得偉是我們8代單傳啊！！哈哈哈！ 只是非常可惜的是，我不是和每一個都很close,大家都各忙各。

今晚就寫到這里吧~沒有寫部落的心情，腦袋空空的，好像寫得很亂，沒次序。還是明天再繼續吧~ 是看“夜市人生” 的時候囖！明天見！

回憶 （2）

插班生的好處就是不必參與orientation week，因為third and forth intake 沒那幾個學員，所以院方不再安排orientation給我們。而我們就很幸運的逃過“這一難”。因為聽朋友說大學的orientation都很恐怖的！學長學姐都會玩殘我們這些新生，所以覺得自己超慶倖的。

以前中學時期每天都是自己騎腳踏車去學校，現在什麽交通工具都沒有，而且宿舍距離學院還要3km~4km之遠，剛開始還擔心要自己走路去學校，還好學院有安排巴士到宿舍在我們去學院。第一天搭巴士遇到很多大哥大姐，朋友們說見到大哥哥大姐姐要敬禮說學長好，學姐好的~看到學哥學姐的臉都很凶感到怕怕，也只好跟著他們教的乖乖向學長學姐們問好。=.=

剛開始時，覺得學院好大好大！由於沒有經過orientation,不瞭解學院範圍，結果禮堂，食堂，辦公室，班上在哪裡都不知道，方向感不怎麼好的我必須要跟著指示牌走才不會迷路,再不然就跟著同學一起走（走很貼的那種），怕死會走散遲到什麽的。

我們這4個插班生報到的第二天就直接上課去，我是科學華文組的學生 （SN/BC)。我們班上只有20位同學，16位女同學及4位男同生。有點點失望，因為男生太少了，哈哈哈！話說回來第一天進班有點怕怕，因為完全是全新的開始，班上的同學我都不認識。一踏進教室，每個人的眼睛就往自己看，自己就一直頭低低的，不敢正眼看人家。我跟大家說聲hi了之後就選了一個位置靜靜地坐了下來，一直到講師進班要我們插班生向前去向大家自我介紹才肯打開我的“金口”。除了插班生講師也要其他同學再自我介紹一遍好讓我們這群插班生也認識認識其他的同學。經過一翻自我介紹后，我才發現，原來全班只有我一個是當地人，其他人都來自不同地方，北馬；南馬；東馬的都有。東馬的同學還6個那麼多。

拿到時間表時，我都快暈了...因為幾乎每一天都要上課到5點才可以回啊~~~是早上8點到下午5點耶！這是大學生活嗎？我印象中大學上課好像很free的，一天才上那幾小時的課就可以走人，怎麼這裡這樣啊？和我想像中完全不一樣！此外，課外活動也是學院安排好，不是讓我們任選的，安排給我們的都是我不喜歡的！！！比中學生活更糟糕！第一天上課收到的刺激還真不小，有種想回去念大學先修班的衝動。~~o(>_<)o ~~

回憶（1）

2004年高中畢業，沒什麼特別興趣，也沒有目標的我，糊裡糊塗的跟著朋友申請師範學院。還記得當初家裡沒有網絡設備，還跑到朋友家去上網填寫表格報名。我，雪意還有淑珊3個人一起申請。2005年3月份申請，5月份去筆試及面試。由於7月份才公佈錄取名單，所以我們就暫時讀著大學先修預備班。讀著讀著，看著班上原本50多名同學慢慢一個接一個接到大學錄取的信件而離開，剩下那36~38位同學，而自己一直還沒接到任何通知，上網看了錄取名單也沒有自己的名字，在決定死心繼續都form 6的時候，有一天放學回家，媽媽告訴我說接到師範通知錄取了我，要我明天去報到。當時的心還挺掙扎的，不曉得去還是不去好，因為來得太突然，覺得很倉促，什麽都沒准備。

可是經過思考分析后，還是決定去了。因為我對念大學先修班沒信心，要是大考考不好就沒有大學要錄取我了，而師範學院不是每個人那麼幸運可以被入選，1萬多人申請才錄取那2000多人，我是很幸運很幸運的了，要是放棄，我怕我會後悔，再加上要是念師範學院，我爸不必付任何學費，政府還給我津貼耶！這麼好康的誰不要？所以就豁出去了，收拾簡單的行李，第二天清早就和爸爸去學院報到。全馬有27間師範學院，而我偏偏就那麼幸運得到家鄉的那間分院，那間師範也是當初我去筆試和面試的那一間。看來好像一切都冥冥中註定似的。

2005年7月18日，是我在毅達師範學院展開5年半讀書生涯的第一天。我其實是forth intake的插班生，是別人放棄師範課程，我才有機會進來的。報名了我才發現我得到的科系是主修科學副修中文和英語。和我當初申請的有些出入。因為當初我申請數學華文組，可是現在卻拿到科學華文組。想說最重要有華文念就好，因為我喜歡華語，至於科學及數學嘛，對我來說比較喜歡數學。科學我只喜歡化學這一科，物理及生理科完全沒興趣。可是看在有華文讀的份上，算了吧！科學就科學吧！記得那一天forth intake的華人不多，才4個人 （包括我自己），那時認識了素臻，凱利和康弘。而我就和素臻這一家是從報名直到去宿舍都是一起的，自然而然我們兩個就決定當室友住在一起。

我和素臻在學校拿了宿舍鑰匙就到宿舍去看看。我們的宿舍和一般大學不同的是我們是住雙層排屋，而且宿舍不是在校內而是距離學院3km以外的一個花園。那裡其實是北馬大學以前的宿舍，現在搬遷了，所以我們學院租下來讓我們師範生住。那些屋子已經有20年曆史了吧。屋子很舊很破。每間屋子有5間房間，每間房2個人睡，所以一間家有10個人住。

在打開門的那一瞬間，樓下房的Michelle 和靜如很熱情的向我們自我介紹，說她們等了我們一整個下午，在學院時還不斷偷瞄我們插本生。之後，就陸陸續續其他的同屋同學也下來自我介紹一翻。讓我驚訝的是大家來自不同地方，就連東馬的朋友也都過來我們北馬這裡念。以前我從來就沒什麼機會接觸不同地方的朋友，所以覺得有點興奮。哈哈！她們很熱情的帶我們到我們房間去。看到殘舊又骯髒的房間，心都涼了一半，想說怎麼住人啊？可是沒法子，已經累了一整個中午，是得有個地方歇一歇，所以趕緊和素臻一家人打掃房間。我老爸因為有事情所以放了我東西就走人了~可憐的我要自己收拾，還好素臻的父母很好，幫忙打掃，把打掃房間的時間拉短了。

忙了好幾個小時去清理這又爛又舊的房間，看時鐘也都晚上9點多了，終於可以去洗澡了~看到沖凉房，我想家了，因為從小到大我都沖熱水澡，在這裡要沖冷水，我很不習慣啊！！！剛開始沖的時候狂跳，因為水很冰。哈哈！多擔心外面的人聽到我在裏面跳的腳步聲。現在想起來都覺得好笑。由於怕冷，所以趕快洗好身體洗好衣服就趕快出來了。。。晾了衣服，吹乾頭髮想說早點休息去，因為忙了一整天的確累翻了。可是聽到門：咳！咳！咳！有人敲房間們耶~就去開門去，有兩位女生向我們自我介紹，我和素臻也自我介紹回去，之後她們就告訴我們說她們是學姐，我和素臻就趕快說：學姐好！之後迎來一陣狂笑聲才發現原來我們被整了。=.= 她們和我們同一屆，同一班，是隔壁屋子的，特地過來整我們新人。真是的。聊了一陣她們就走了。

房間里剩下我和素臻兩個人，面對著新的環境，新的臉孔，那種心情有點複雜。一直以來都是住在家裡，第一次到外面讀書，有點興奮但又有點怕怕。因為對這裡的一切都還覺得很陌生。晚上和素臻聊開來，慢慢去認識對方~她是來自怡寶的女生，難怪那麼白皙，皮膚又很好。（怡寶出名了美女多的地方）。她給我的第一印象是，她中文說的好好哦！哈哈~因為我說的中文有方言腔調，沒那麼正。接下來是，她很白！雖然每個人都說我很白，可是自己只有照鏡子時才看到自己啊~都不能和別人比較，所以不曉得我白的程度到哪裡。哈！第三印象是：她是非常客氣的女生！“請問”，“謝謝”和“對不起” 一直掛在嘴邊。讓我覺得很不好意思。不過，她還蠻好相處的啦~聊著聊著不知不覺就睡著了，也許是太累的關係吧！我的第一天就這麼過去......

Love is difficult

I'm just a simple girl, and i just want someone to love me, care of me, appreciate me. is it that hard to get a simple love??? or am i really that worst?haizz.............damn tired.maybe 1 is better than 2.since that nobody love me,i need to love myself more.

Let go

The things that need to face i've already face it and the things that i should let go, i also let it go.......force and try are meaningless. not going to burden him, not going to be an obstacle of his future career development.as long as he happy....maybe we are love in a wrong timing or maybe wrong person.but seriously i MISS HIM.

Gathering

There seems like quite a long time i never gather with my primary and secondary school mate. Every Chinese New Year they did organized the gathering event, but i seldom join because of the timing been clashed and i can't manage myself to join them.This week i have a chance to meet up with some of them. Although just 5 of us, but i really appreciate the moment we can together. Everyone have their own life.Most of them start their working life already. but im still studying here. Thats really TOO BAD that I don't know many of them already back hometown and work here although I'll back hometown every week but i Know Nothing!they never contact me and i myself also never contact them.hmmm...........anyways, i will try to contact back my old friends.and if any gathering, i will try my best to join the event.i don't want to miss any gathering event that can gather with them anymore. Because, now i realized the importance of friends. Previously, i live for him, and my world only him, my friends getting less and less. Is time for me to learn live without him, live for myself. Without him, my life still go on.

我們怎麼了

明明從前連爭執都很甜美
現在怎會說句話就弄痛一遍
我搞不懂我們到底怎麼了
誠實的背後是否住著傷口
我想不透　我們的愛怎麼了
雨下過以後是否能讓什麼復活

心痛

我的心真的好痛好痛好痛。。。想哭却哭不出来，是已经习惯了受这样的伤害？还是我已经忘了怎么哭泣？身心好疲惫，无助！

emo

Missing someone is horrible, but knowing that they don't miss you back is worse.

5th years anniversary

This is our final year can be gather together because next year this moment we will be teaching at different places already. So, we take this chance to gather together celebrate our 5th year anniversary at Penang G-HOTEL.appreciate the moment we can be together.

惊世骇俗丑不拉几香菇头-林达浪

i love this character.

Disappointed

Damn disappointed with his decision.........when i heard he said he will stay over there, my mood gone on the spot. although i know i can't do anything to force him back because his future is on his hand, he has his right to choose his own way.i can't even sleep well last9.my mind keep on think of our future.will we have future if he stays there? i can't see our future.........is blur.i force myself stop thinking but i failed to do it.T_T

Old

It seems quite a long time i never watch myself in detail from the mirror. one day,i took out my little mirror look at myself,i found that i look old already.my skin,my eyes are so terrible. it doesn't looks like a 23 young lady.the skin is dry,wrinkles have came out,the big panda eyes,big poles, pimples scars. OMG! is this selinashio? i myself also can't accept it. i looked ill, down, un-fresh! and i JUST REALIZED it! maybe i should learn to love myself more before i wanna learn to love others.

holidaying

im having my holiday now.as usual,no outside activity no traveling holiday again.everyday stay at home eat,sleep,on9,gaming and tv. it seems relaxing but its a meaningless holiday.sometimes feel like go travel alone,look at the world outside.i quite jealous with my friends, every holiday, they will go traveling with their friends,family or partner.but me?just stay at home.such a boring holiday.school reopened, my friends will shared their holiday happiness with me, and i only can be the listener listen to their experiences how they enjoy their holiday.i always said i have no friend,he asked me need to learn how to social with peoples if want more friends.but where is the chance?when i said this,he will said chance is not for wait but should fight for ourselves.i know it!but my holiday always crashed with my secondary friends,they are not around when im holiday.how to get close to them?college friends all from different state.once holiday they will back their own hometown and won't be here anymore.they all have their own planning.what can i do?he always ask me can know more juniors, try to be the 1st one start the 1st step,but he doesn't know my situation. i did tried but i fell down. i've make someone hate me and scold me bck.imagine a senior been scolded by junior.what is the feeling?although untill now i still did not feel the mistake is from me but this experience has makes me do not have the encourage to get close with them anymore.their "channel" and my "channel" is different,can't connect together.haizz..........speechless.maybe everything here are just an EXCUSE for myself not to get close with people. i wish i can be an active and not passive people. this is the life lesson i should learn!

IPDA sucksss

IPDA HEP really sucksss........the rules so tight!! from maktab upgrade to institute, want to be like university standard, but they treat us just like treat the primary and secondary students. this cannot that cannot. no class also cannot back earlier. the guards will wait at the door block us, request stupid borang kuning. then HEP sikit-sikit take out akta 174, like to give warning letter. then organize the programs will force us to attend.attendance will take if not AKTA 174!!!!!!!again again and again!!hate to hear that!Now we have already done our exam, but we are not allow to back, because they have set one week of programs that want us to attend. and those programs are meaningless and wasting of time! why they need suffer themselves and suffer us?

Car if parking at wrong place will kena SAMAN. lock the car tire. if u want to get back ur car, alot of procedures u have to follow.1st,you need to go HEP give your licence and IC then they will write u a SAMAN. 2nd, you have to take the saman to Unit kewangan which is at another building to pay the saman. 3rd, you have to take the receipt to the guard house, show it to the duty guard,he only will unlock your car. 4th, you need to back to HEP get back your licence and IC and you will given a surat amaran.@@''

At first we thought that our convocation will organize at Nilai, KL. but our dream are gone!! because the lecturers told us will remain organize at IPDA. shit!!!!!!have to back to ipda convo. sienzzzzzzzz.......

Grey

Recently i feel like my sky turns to be grey in colour. A lot of things happened on me. I feel hurt, pain, sad, disappointed, helpless......I always cry when nobody around. Nobody know somethings wrong with me because i act like nothing in front of them. I keep everything in the depth of my heart~ ALONE.because i don't want to let them know. I don't want them to worry about me and nothing they can help me actually, so what for I tell them about it? Everyday when i'm alone, the sadness will recalled in my mind, then the tears will be automatically drop down. Especially during night time. Day time i tried to make myself busy, do my work,housework,watch tv, online-ing so that i have no time to think about it. I feel like im dead meat. I live without soul. my soul is gone. Sometimes really feel alive is meaningless......exam week also no mood to study. open my notes, eyes on the words but I can't concentrate on study.

Year 2010

Time pass very fast.my 6 weeks holidays end and school reopened for week no 2 already.i had my best holiday last year that i ever have because i spent almost 16 days of my holidays with my beloved darling.i have a lot of sweet memories during that holiday.know more about his family, his friends and have learnt to play mahjung from his family.hahaha!finally i know how to play mahjung d.

Step into year 2010,a brand new year. kedah maju 2010??? i can't see any changes in kedah.means kedah failed to achieved the target?haizzz.......kedah ar kedah, when u only can develop as PENANG?

i have just past my 23 years old birthday last week.i can't imagine im already 23 years old.18 years old leave me far far away. 23 years old birthday was the most unforgettable birthday for me because 1st time my classmates sing birthday song to me in the class, 1st time got so many course mates celebrate my birthday with me. touching touching! thanks for give me such memorable birthday.

During my birthday,i had make some wishes (greedy me,hehe!), 2 of my wishes has come true,which are i get a not bad result last semester examination and my supervisor for my practical training later not Pn Ranjani nor Miss Kalyani.hahahah!lucky me~then my 3rd wish for my birthday is going to become true very soon. Just the 4rd wish which is the last and also the most important wish among the wishes haven't come true yet.pray pray,god bless me, let the wish come true.

This semester syllabus very pack.we need to rush the syllabus before go for the training. although we are only have 2 subjects, but everyday have so many hours class have to attend. everyday have to see the same lecturer face,BORED!!!especially the Bimbingan dan Kaunseling. I personally not really like this lecturer, because she quite racist! keep on take us as example in the class. she great in playing with the sentences, which is shooting us actually. don't like her but 1 week have to see her face 9 hours.@@''

31st of Jan will start my 3 months of training.so tension, worry, anxious, panic when thinking of need to teach English subject for this semester. i know my own standard and level.i have poor English level, i scared im not able to teach well, cannot achieved what the lecturer want.last semester have an assignment which need us write lesson plan for English lesson, i already spend a lot of times to write A lesson plan, when training, every lesson hv to write lesson plan, OMG!!!! can i make it??? so far until now im still not clear in writing English lesson plan, science lesson plan got no more problem, but English is troublesome for me......wish myself good luck!